No doubt if you look at Parenting Resources on the internet you will have stumbled across quotes from Pam Leo’s seminal book, Connection Parenting. It was one the first books published that went against the flow of control based parenting, that started the slow burning revolution towards treating children as real people and not just accessories or burdens to be controlled and manipulated into our ideals.
It’s taking a long time to make this journey!
Some of her wise words:
“You can’t teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better, they behave better.”
“Let’s raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhoods.”
“However we treat the child, the child will treat the world.”
Check out her very easy to read and fairly brief but focused book, Connection Parenting. Her website also has audio of interviews with her.
On her website Connection Parenting, Pam discusses how to filter through all the parenting advice you receive in your life:
Parents often tell me that they find parenting advice to be confusing and contradictory. They ask, “How do I tell the difference between ‘good’ parenting advice and ‘bad’ parenting advice? One expert or book says to do one thing and another tells me to do the exact opposite? How am I to know what is best for my child?”
My best answer to that question is the question I ask myself: “If I follow this advice, will I create a connection or a disconnection with my child?” When a parent’s behavior creates a connection, the child feels that the parent is on his side, and their bond and connection is strengthened. When a parent’s behavior creates a disconnection, the child feels that the parent is against him, and their bond and connection is weakened. Since parents’ effectiveness is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond and connection they have with their child, any advice that undermines the strength of that bond is counterproductive.