No doubt if you look at Parenting Resources on the internet you will have stumbled across quotes from Pam Leo’s seminal book, Connection Parenting. It was one the first books published that went against the flow of control based parenting, that started the slow burning revolution towards treating children as real people and not just accessories or burdens to be controlled and manipulated into our ideals.

It’s taking a long time to make this journey!

Some of her wise words:

“You can’t teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better, they behave better.”

“Let’s raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhoods.” 

“However we treat the child, the child will treat the world.” 

Check out her very easy to read and fairly brief but focused book, Connection Parenting. Her website also has audio of interviews with her.

On her website Connection Parenting, Pam discusses how to filter through all the parenting advice you receive in your life:

Parents often tell me that they find parenting advice to be confusing and contradictory. They ask, “How do I tell the difference between ‘good’ parenting advice and ‘bad’ parenting advice? One expert or book says to do one thing and another tells me to do the exact opposite? How am I to know what is best for my child?”

My best answer to that question is the question I ask myself: “If I follow this advice, will I create a connection or a disconnection with my child?” When a parent’s behavior creates a connection, the child feels that the parent is on his side, and their bond and connection is strengthened. When a parent’s behavior creates a disconnection, the child feels that the parent is against him, and their bond and connection is weakened. Since parents’ effectiveness is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond and connection they have with their child, any advice that undermines the strength of that bond is counterproductive.

 


4 Comments

Pam Leo · June 20, 2019 at 11:55 am

Thank you for acknowledging my work. Connection Parenting was indeed before its time and what you wrote about it heartens me deeply. To hear you recognize it as seminal is a high honor.
With appreciation,
Pam Leo
now known as 📚🧚‍♀️

    Galway Parent Network · June 20, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    Thank you for your response Pam, I am honoured that you have visited us! I recommend your book to everyone who asks me as the first book to get when thinking about reflective parenting. It’s got so many simple and obvious ideas simply written – yet they are in contrast to all the other control based messages we get. Thank you for the changes you have made in the lives of countless children by supporting their parents to see them as fully human and worthy of respect.

Anne Archambault · June 20, 2019 at 2:17 pm

Pam Leo is the personification of Emotional Intelligence. She is absolutely brilliant and I am so grateful for her book and her life’s work. Our two sons, now 24 and 21, benefited enormously from what we learned from Pam. We were lucky enough to live in Portland, Maine, where she taught, and my husband and I both took her class. I confess to having taken it three times because I cannot get enough of her lively but peaceful demeanor. The woman glows from the inside out and has a great sense of humor. Her book gets my most enthusiastic endorsement.

    Galway Parent Network · June 20, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    Anne you are so fortunate! I live in Galway, Ireland, a long way from being able to attend a class but the book has reached all over the world.

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