Alfie Kohn wrote a book called Unconditional Parenting which is like a Bible for respectful and connection based parenting. It sits beside my bed at all times. Published in 2005, many other people have used it as a source for their own writing. His blurb states:
Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they’re told?” — and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking “What do kids need – and how can we meet those needs?” What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.
Alfie’s website has an enormous amount of information on it and is great if you love reading, or are against traditional education practices as he writes a lot on that also. A good introductory post to start with from Alfie’s writing is this one, which summarises a lot of the important things he has to say.
A brief video – one minute long – on punishment: